Q: Why is a man more intelligent while he is having sex?
A: Because, he is plugged into a genius.
Category: Body / Anatomy / Health
Blonde Mother
There was a red head, a brunette, and a blonde talking about their children. The red head said, “I am so dissappointed in my daughter. I walked into her room the other day and found a package of cigarettes on the ground … I can’t believe she smokes.”
The brunette said, “I know exactly how you feel. I walked into my daughter’s closet the other day and found an empty vodka bottle … I can’t believe she drinks.”
Then the blonde said, “I know exactly what both of you are talking about. I walked into MY daughter’s room and found an empty condom wrapper on the ground … I can’t believe she has a penis.”
Two Nuns
Two Nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome.
One leans over to the other and says, “I’ve never come this way before.”
The other nun whispers, “It’s the cobblestones.”
Grab My Breasts
A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster for refund because it didn’t work. The clerk told her that he couldn’t give her a refund because she bought it on special.
All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, “Grab my Breasts! Grab my breasts!”
The clerk didn’t know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he can help.
She explained that she wanted to return the non-working toaster for refund, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought the toaster on special.
Once again she yelled, “Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!”
The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase.
She replied, “Because I like my breasts grabbed when I’m getting screwed!”
Difference Between Parachute and Condom
Two friends were walking along the road. One asked, “Do you know what happens when there is a hole in a parachute or a condom?
Second replied, “No.”
First one said, “When their is a hole in a parachute it takes life but when their is a hole in a condom it gives life.”
Dried Cherry’s
Q: If a dried grape is a raisin, a dried plum is a prune what do you call a dried cherry?
A: A Nun.
Birth Pain
A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.
Increase the Size
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling her it’s not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
“If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
“How long will this take?” she asks.
“They’ll grow larger over a period of years,” he replies.
The wife stops. “Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?”
“Worked for your butt, didn’t it?”
Sign of the Times
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.
When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The man thought that was great.
A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed “Now cut that out! I warned you!” and threw the group out of the bar.
The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, “If I told them once I told them 100 times – NO SINGING IN THE BAR!”
The Penis Poem
My nookie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord
From my trousers it would spring
But now I’ve got a full-time job
To find the blasted thing.
It used to be embarrassing
The way it would behave
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues
To see it hang its little head
And watch me tie my shoes.