Q: Why don’t you change in front of a pokemon?
A: Cause he might PIKACHU!
Category: Miscellaneous
Pre-Marital Discussion
An elderly pair (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off; they share each other’s values, enjoy the same jokes, and find pleasure in each other’s company.
After a few months, the widower asks for the hand of the widow in marriage. She appears hesitant and decided to probe her soon-to-be a little.
“Perhaps I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, bu t
Quickie Blonde Jokes
Q: What do you call a blonde with one brain cell?
A: Unique
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant
You know Blondes are just like good lawyers, you keep on hearing about them, but you never see them.
Q: Did yah hear about the blonde that was stuck at the Mall for five hours?
A: She said that she was trapped on the escallator.
dead monkey
Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
The Preacher’s Pin
After church on Sunday, the Preacher approached a man. He said, “Sir, your wife has a tendency to fall asleep throughout my sermon. I’m going to give you this safety pin and everytime I wink at you, stick it into her side to wake her up.” The man gladly took the pin and planned to do as the preacher had asked.
The following Sunday, the man and his wife showed up to church. The preacher began to start his sermon. He said, “Do all of you know who was born of the Virgin Mary and became our Savior?” He suddenly winked at the man. The man quickly thrusted the safety pin into his wife’s side. She said, “Jesus Christ!” The whole congregation replied with, “Amen, amen.”
The Preacher continued..”And who died on the cross to free us from our sins?” He winked again. The man stuck his wife and she shouted, “JESUS CHRIST!” Again the whole congregation replied, “Amen, amen.”
The Preacher continued once more
Telemarketer Hang-up
When you answer the phone and you figure out its a Telemarketer act like your 5 years old and say hello in a baby voice. Then say if you wanna talk to my parents you have to listen to my song say la la la la lA LA in a high pitched voice and continue doing this until the hang-up!! IT WORKS GRRRRRRRReat!!!!
Grab My Breasts
A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster for refund because it didn’t work. The clerk told her that he couldn’t give her a refund because she bought it on special.
All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, “Grab my Breasts! Grab my breasts!”
The clerk didn’t know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he can help.
She explained that she wanted to return the non-working toaster for refund, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought the toaster on special.
Once again she yelled, “Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!”
The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase.
She replied, “Because I like my breasts grabbed when I’m getting screwed!”
Difference Between Parachute and Condom
Two friends were walking along the road. One asked, “Do you know what happens when there is a hole in a parachute or a condom?
Second replied, “No.”
First one said, “When their is a hole in a parachute it takes life but when their is a hole in a condom it gives life.”
Intelligent Child
Their was a teacher appointed for second grade. The teacher was also a psychiatrist. So she decided to test her abilities on the children by asking a question, “Whoever thinks that he or she is stupid, stand up?
But no one stood up immediately. But after a while one kid stood up.
The teacher asked, “Do you think that you are stupid?”
The child replied, “No maam but I hate to see you standing all by yourself.”
A Short Joke
Q: Why did Tigger put his head in the toilet?
A: He was looking for Pooh (poo).