Category: Medical

There were two old fellows who were chatting. Suddenly one of them asked, “What in the world is that sticking out of your right ear?”

The other, with a puzzled look, said, “I dunno”, and reached up pulling out the object, then exclaimed, “My word, a suppository!”

Then he slapped his forehead and excitedly declared, “Now I know what I did with my hearing aid.”

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sex therapist.

So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, “OK, take off all you crose.” The woman did as she was told.

“Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of room.” Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, “OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me.” So she did. Dr.Chang slowly shook his head and said, “Your probrem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I ever see, dat why you not haf sex or dates.”

Confused, the woman asked, “Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?”

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eyes and replied, “Ed Zachary disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass.”

The old cowboy came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.

“Howdy stranger.”

“Howdy sheriff.”

The old cowboy then walks to the rear of his horse, lifts the tail and plants a big kiss right where the sun don’t shine. He dropped the horse’s tail, stepped up on the porch and aimed toward the swingin’ doors of the saloon.

The sheriff says, “Hold on mister. Did I see what I thought I just saw?”

“Reckon you did sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips.”

“And that cures them?”

“Nope, but it keeps me from licking them.”

A retired gentlemen went into the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.

“Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asks.

The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.”

So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me,” and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.”

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something.

So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. Thus, he calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home.

Suddenly the man screams. “What’s the matter?” asked his wife. “Did I hurt you?”

“No,” replies the man, “but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders.”