Potato Story

Are you ready for a potato story?

A girl potato and boy potato had eyes for each other and finally, they got married and had a little sweet potato, which they called “Yam.”

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn’t accidentally get mashed and get a bad name for herself like “Hot Potato” and end up with a bunch of tater tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand, she wouldn’t stay home and become a couch potato either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe , Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called the French fries. And when she went out West to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn’t get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn’t associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, “Frito Lay.”

Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that’s Potato University) so that when she graduated she’d really be in the chips. But in spite of all they did for her, one day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw! Really??

As you could probably imagine, Mr. And Mrs. Potato were very upset. They really wanted so much better for Yam. They told Yam she couldn’t possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he’s just…….

Are you ready for this?

A COMMON TATER

Donald Trump Meets the Queen

Donald Trump is meeting The Queen, and he says to her:  “As I’m the President, I’m thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I’m thinking that it should be a Kingdom.”
To which the Queen replies, “I’m sorry Mr. Trump, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge – and you’re not a King.”
Donald Trump thought a while and then said, “How about a Principality then?” to which the Queen replied, “Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince – and you’re not a Prince, Mr. Trump.”
Trump thought long and hard and came up with, “How about an Empire then?”
The Queen, getting a little pissed off by now replied, “Sorry again, Mr. Trump, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge – and you are not an Emperor.”
Before Trump could utter another word, The Queen said, “I think you’re doing quite nicely as a Country.”

An NBA Player, President Trump, and the Pope Jump Out of an Airplane

An airplane was about to crash. There were four passengers on board but only three parachutes.
The first passenger said, “I am Steph Curry, the best NBA basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me and I can’t afford to die.” So he took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.
The second passenger, Donald Trump, said, “I am the newly-elected US president and I am the smartest president in American history, so my people don’t want me to die.” He took the second pack and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, the Pope, said to the fourth passenger, a 10-year old school boy, “My son, I am old and don’t have many years left. You have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.”
The little boy said, “That’s okay, Your Holiness, there’s a parachute left for you. America’s smartest president took my school bag.”

Bus Driver

There was a nun on a bus.  The bus stops to pick up a guy. The guy sits next to the nun and says, “Hey baby, want to have sex with me?”  The nun slaps him across the face and gets off at her stop.

As the guy gets off the bus, the bus driver says, “Hey, let me talk to you man-to-man for a minute.  I see that nun praying every night at that cemetery over there at about six-thirty, if you go there dressed as God you could probably get her to have sex with you.”

The guy thanks the driver and gets off the bus.  The next night, the guy dresses up like God with the robes and waits for the nun in the graveyard.  Just as the bus driver said, the nun came to pray at around six-thirty.  The man walks up behind the nun and says, “I am God!”

The nun says, “Oh great and powerful one what can I do for you?”

The guy says, “You must have sex with me.”

The nun says, “Ok, but you must do me anally, as I must remain a virgin, true to my oath.”

The guy agrees and they have sex.

Then the guy jumps up, tears off his robes and says, “Ha, ha!  I am the guy from the bus!”

And the nun jumped up, tears off her robes and says, “Ha, ha!  I am the bus driver!”

An Architect, a Hooker, and a Windows Programmer

An architect, a hooker and a windows programmer were talking one evening, and somehow, the discussion turned to which profession was the oldest.

“Come on, you guys! Everyone knows mine is the oldest profession,” said the hooker.

“Ah,” said the architect, “but before your profession existed, there had to be people, and who was there before people?”

“What are you getting at, God?” The hooker asked.

“And was He not the divine architect of the universe?” The architect asked, looking smug.

The windows programmer had been silent, but now he spoke up. “And before God took on himself the role of an architect, what was there?”

“Darkness and chaos” said the hooker.

“And who do you think created chaos?” asked the programmer.

A Doctor, a Lawyer, and a Programmer

A doctor, a lawyer and a programmer are driving to a party together when the car breaks down. The lawyer says, “Let’s sue the automaker for making a crappy product.” The doctor replies, “Nah, let’s just pop the hood and see what’s wrong.” Confident he has the solution, the programmer announces, “Let’s get out of the car then get back in again.”