Tag: Top 10/Lists

Bumpersnickers

* CATS: The other white meat

* Dain bramaged

* Don’t be sexist – broads hate that

* Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway

* Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel

* Boldly going nowhere

* CAUTION – Driver legally blonde!

* Heart Attacks…God’s Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends

* He’s not dead, He’s electroencephalographically challenged

* Honk if you’ve never seen an Uzi fired from a car window!

* How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?

* I’m an imbecile and I vote

* Money Isn’t Everything… But it Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch

* If you lived in your car, you’d be home by now

* Saw it… Wanted it… Had a fit… Got it!

* WARNING! Driver carries only $20.00 in ammunition

* If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

* Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re a butthead.

* Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.

* You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me not you!

* JESUS SAVES…He Passes It To Gretzky…Gretzky Shoots. He Scores!

* Jesus is coming! Look busy!

* You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT

* Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

* My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

* Grow your own dope, plant a man

* All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

* Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

* I need someone really bad … Are you really bad?

* All men are idiots … I married their king.

* The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

* IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.

* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

* Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

* We are born naked, wet, and hungry … Then things get worse.

The 9 Most Important Men In A Woman’s Life

1. THE DOCTOR : because he says :
“Take off your clothes”

2. THE DENTIST : because he says :
“Open wide”

3. THE HAIRDRESSER : because he says :
“Do you want it teased or blown?”

4. THE MILKMAN : because he says :
“Do you want it in the front or the back?”

5. THE INTERIOR DECORATOR : because he says :
“Once it’s in, you’ll love it”

6. THE STOCK BROKER: because he says:
“It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while and then slowly fall back again”

7. THE BANKER : because he says :
“If you take it out too soon, you’ll lose interest”

8. THE HUNTER : because he says :
“I go deep in the bush, shoot twice and always eat what I shoot”

9. THE AT&T GUY : because he says :
“Would you like it on the table or against the wall?”

A Dog’s Normal Day

1. Rise at 5:30 and Wet-nose the master.

2. Go you and Pee on the world.

3. Make Poopy.

4. Sniff Poopy.

5. Seriously consider eating poopy.

6. Eat funny looking bug instead.

7. Throw up bug parts on living room rug.

8. Drink out of ‘magic well’

9. Sleep for 17 hours. Start process over.

(Optional: 10. Roll around in filth and lavish master with kisses.)

10 dollars is Alot

John and Linda went to the annual state fair. There was a booth in which a pilot gave you a ride in a real plane and did flips for you. A REAL plane. So John told Linda he wanted to go on the ride. But Linda said, “John, it costs 10 dollars for 2 people. 10 dollars is 10 dollars.”

The next year they came back and the ride was still there. John asked Linda hopefully but Linda replied, “10 dollars is still 10 dollars.”

The next year they went to the fair again and the ride was still there. John and Linda had the same talk as the past two years, “Ten dollars is ten dollars” Linda said for the third time. The pilot of the plane overheard the conversation. He went to them and said, “I’ll tell you what … I’ll give you that ride for free if you promise not to say anything while the plane is in the air or else it will still cost you ten dollars…”

John was excited. The pilot did flips and turns and dives in the air for John and Linda. They didn’t say a word. Finally, the pilot landed. He turned to John and said, “I tried everything I could but you didnt say anything … your ride is free.” John replied, “I was going to say something when linda fell out of the plane … but 10 dollars is 10 dollars …”

The Fun Sunday School Teacher

A Sunday School teacher goes on a blind date.

While at dinner her date asks her if she would like some wine. She says, “No, what would my Sunday School kids say?”

So, they go on with their date. Later they are at the carnival and they were having a great time. He asks her, “Would you like a cigaratte?” She asks, “What would my kids say?” So she didn’t take one.

Well, on the way home after the date, they pass a motel. He looks at her and she looks at him and they both smile. He asks, “Do you wanna stop.” She just smiled big and he says, “I guess thats a yes.” So they stayed at the motel.

The next morning when he takes her home, he asks, “What are you going tell your Sunday School kids?” She says I tell them you don’t have to smoke or drink to have a good time.